fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
