She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
