dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
