Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
These tits shall not be calmed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
