I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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