4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
