he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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