drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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