guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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