Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
