i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
