OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
