the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
