so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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