He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
