True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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