I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
