At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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