i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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