i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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