Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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