I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize