My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize