She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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