my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
