covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
