So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
