So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
