Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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