Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
