i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
