this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
