the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
