If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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