i love accidental penises.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I could fuck to npr.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
