If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
