the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
