Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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