so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
