I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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