my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
third nipple confirmed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
