I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
