My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
