You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like abortions should bother me more
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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