Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He felt like a one man threesome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
