When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
