omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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