Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize