If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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