This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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