your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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