i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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