its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
