We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
