Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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