he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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