I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
