My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
