areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
