why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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