The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
