for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
