and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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