Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
