Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
