My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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