so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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