Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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