i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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