I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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