I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
