just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
