I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize