Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
