my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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