You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
