I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
