remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
