someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
