I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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