Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
