i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
