Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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