My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
