When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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