her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
