On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
