Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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