Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
