those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
