Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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