i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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