I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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