Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
