Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
