I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
